Holding on!!!

A little over a month ago my nephew Dustin shot himself..  we are all struggling with this..  such a hard thing to try to wrap your mind and heart around..  He was a great man..   For us Mamfy has been our saving Grace..  mainly for me..  I look to her as my anchor..  she keeps me gounded..  but it is a struggle..  and I am struggling..   Dustin's Memorial Service was October 6th at an Irish Pub in Buckhead..  a really great idea..  it brought many different types of personalities together..  Dustin was loved so very much,  I honestly don't think he knew how many people loved him..

That Sunday morning as we were getting ready for the Memorial I was talking to Mamf's and asking her what she wanted to wear,  and as she is going through her clothes she looks a little disappointed..  because I was wearing a dress..  so I went to my closet and got her Christmas dress from last year,  purple and red..  was a tad bit to big for her then,  fits her perfectly now..  So I took the dress in her room where Aunt Saundra and Aunt Boo were doing their makeup and hair and she exclaims..  that's my dress???  and I said yes,  it is.. and she looked at me and said.. did you buy it for me..  and I told her no,  that Aunt Saundra bought it for her.. and she went and hugged her and kept saying thank you over and over again..  it was so sweet..  we all finish getting ready and head to the Pub.. on the way she is asking questions and I could tell that she was picking up our emotions because of her restlessness..  she says.. G'Ma,  you can't take me home right now,  my mommy isn't there..  and I told her I wasn't taking her home.. that we were going to go see a bunch of people who were going to think she is a very beautiful girl..   then she gets more nervous..  so she starts saying..  my mommy is at the lake house,  we can just go there..   so I tell her,  no we have to go to the memorial service..   she tries to talk me out of it again,   we get there and she acts all shy for a while,  but she is her sweet, funny self..